that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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