I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
