I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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