I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
