There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
