chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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