That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
