Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
