That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
