You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
