I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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