And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
