Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize