Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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