can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
