You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
420 ftw
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
