Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
