I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
