absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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