your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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