Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize