Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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