wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
