just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
