Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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