ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He uses pillows to masturbate.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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