69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
