I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
