So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Holy sore nipples Batman
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
