The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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