I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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