you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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