The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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