if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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