She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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