I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
