She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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