I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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