I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
