kristin has been a bad kristin
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize