i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
