I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
