As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
