so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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