Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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