Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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