Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I can text with my tongue
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
