dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
