I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
