she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
