This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
