Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
