She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize