i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
