why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
