Already got asked if we're dating
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
