at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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