How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
