so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
birth control should be required to get into college
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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