dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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