How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
