If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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