I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
