3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
