things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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