All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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