He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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