she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
