so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
