I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
