Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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