How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
