I wish I could teleport
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you will always have a special place in my vag
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
