i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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